You Are Not Alone, Defeat the Disease!

Depression

    Depression is real and it can be very dangerous if you do not treat it in the early stages. Depression can make you feel like you are trapped in a hole that you can't get out of, but I'm making this post to let you know that you can. You have the power within you to change your reality by simply challenging your thoughts and feelings. My therapist makes it a point to let us know that "there are no facts to feelings, just because you feel a certain way it does not mean that is your truth." Once you are able to understand that there are no facts to feelings you can start to challenge your mind on why you are feeling this way? One of the most important strengths that I have developed since being in therapy is being able to identify why I feel the way that I do in that specific moment. Whether I am happy, sad, mad, or anxious, I am able to recognize the emotion and challenge my mind by asking what made me feel this way. 

    Once you have identified what you are feeling it is important to ask yourself why? Why did this situation make me feel this way? This question may take a while to answer, and that's okay this isn't an overnight process you are going to have to do some digging to get the results you want. I suggest using some mindfulness techniques to help you have a clear mind in order to get the answers you are looking for. I'll share some mindfulness techniques after we are done talking about challenging your thoughts. The next step after you have found the answer to why, is you have to challenge the thought for example, if you are feeling anxious about something you have to ask is there anything I can do about this problem right now? If there is then Nike that SH** and just do it. Yes I know to most that is a lot easier said than done, but you have to try it because I promise you it works. If there isn't anything you can do about it that's defined as a hypothetical worry, stop letting hypothetical situations dictate your reality, you have to just let that worry go. Distracting yourself is one way you can stop thinking about the what if scenario by distracting yourself it causes your brain to focus on something else and a fun fact about the brain is that it can only focus on one thought at a time.

Mindfulness Tricks

    Mindfulness is defined as "purposely bringing one's attention to the present moment" and by using mindfulness we can escape the thoughts of selfhatred, or those pesky what if thoughts and enjoy the moment that we are living now. One trick that was taught to me by my therapist is the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. This method involes finding 5 things that we can see, 4 things that we can hear, 3 things that we can feel, 2 things that we can smell, and 1 thing that we can taste. When we have our mind practice this mindfulness method we are utilizing all five of our senses to reconnect with the present moment, which in returns takes our attention away from the negative thoughts that we might have been thinking. A trick that I use to ground myself in the present moment is meditation and deep breathing. I play a soft mellody on my phone close my eyes, preferably in the sun so I can feel the warmth on my skin, and breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and breathe out for six seconds. I repeat those steps for at least 3 minutes thinking positive thoughts on my breaths in, and negative thoughts on the way out. If you don't think any of those tricks could benefit you I encourage you to research and find a way that will. There are endless ways to become grounded in the present moment. In fact if you do end up practicing a different type of mindfulness I want to hear about, so that I can try it out as well! 

You are not Alone

    I wanted to leave this paragraph last today, so that I am able to remind you that you are not alone. While you might be the only one that can feel the depression you have people in your life that are affected by it as well.  We all have people that love and care for us and if you ever have the thought that you would be better off dead then I challenge you to think of the ones that you love. I challenge you to think of the pain that you will leave them with once you are gone. By making that final decision it doesn't get rid of the pain, it only transfers the pain for someone else to carry. If for some reason you feel that you aren't loved I want you to know that I love you and you don't have to fight alone. You can reach out to me at any time I will answer your emails, or your comments. Life is difficult especially if you feel that you are fighting this alone, this paragraph was a reminder that you aren't alone, and that if you feel that you are alone email me and we will fight together. lawton4.cl@gmail.com

Closing/Next Blog!

    Thank you all for reading another one of my blogs. I wanted to touch base on depression because of my therapy session today. It reminded me that some of us feel as if we cannot be saved when in reality we have the ability to save ourselves by taking control of our thoughts. I really hope that you were able to pick up some useful information from this blog and I look forward to writing to you all again Sunday September 25th. Until Next time ✌❤

NIKE THAT SH**

Shout Out!

    Happy Sunday everyone! I wanted to give a huge shoutout to my therapist for keeping me on the right track and continuing to push me out of my  comfort zone. I also want to shout out my mom, grandma, grandpa, and fiancee for always being the people to tell me how it is and supporting me no matter what I decide to do with my life. Last but not least I want to give a shout out to my main man Matt, your words are the reason I choose to write my blogs. If I know that my words mean something to one person then I know that my work matters and I'm making a difference. I hope you enjoy this Sunday post, and just like every Sunday I'll cap off todays post with a poem! I hope you enjoy the post and as always feedback is encouraged!

Don't Should on yourself

    One of my biggest problems was no matter what the task was I would always start off my sentences by saying "I should take out the trash, I should go to the gym, I should clean my room, etc" all those statements did for me was make the things I had to accomplish reccomendations to accomplish. Which meant I would leave out things I had to do. After discussing my lack of motivation to complete simple tasks with my therapist she told me I had to stop "shoulding" on myself and that if I didn't nothing was going to get done and my motivation wouldn't get better. You see my shoulding yourself you leave your mind with the decision on what it wants to do, if you do that your mind is going to choose what is comfortable every time. Our mind is designed to keep us away from uncomfortable situations, so by leaving the decision up to your mind you are sealing your fate 90% of the time. You might be asking   

How do you stop shoulding on myself? The answer is a lot more simple than you think.

NIKE THAT SH**

    Nike's slogan is "Just do it" so I like to say Nike that Sh**, and it means just like it sounds you have to just do it. I start by making a list every Sunday of things I want to accomplish that week and then I fit one or two of the things I listed into my everyday schedule. The key to gaining back my motivation was to become more structured, I list out how I want my morning to go the night before and make adjustments to my schedule as needed, but by writing out the things I want to accomplish I become more motivated to get those things done. The answer to my problem was simply stop saying I should do this and just Nike that SH**.

Keep it Simple

    One of the greatest things about therapy is everything is kept simple and makes the most sense. By just doing things I have become more organized and structured, but most importantly I don't beat myself up if I don't get everything done that I need to I just work it into my schedule the next day. My biggest problem was that I was to hard on myself, I would give myself 12 tasks to do a day and then become so overwhelmed with what I had to accomplish and not get anything done. By practicing the schedule method I set time aside for work and play. Keeping everything simple helps productivity, once you cross one thing off your list you're going to be motivated to cross off another.

FEAR IS NEUTRAL

Fear isn't something you should be scared of.

It pushes you to the path you can gain from.

Fear can control your mind if you let it,

or you can take control and benefit from it.

The crazy thing about fear is that your mind cannot come near it's comprehension.

You'll stay stagnant like you put yourself in detention.

You can't control fear only your mind.

You have to weigh the outcome,

of what fear is holding you back from.

Fear can cause you to be paralyzed,

causing you to never rise to your true potential,

Kind of like you took a benadryl.

It'll make you sleep on your dream.

It'll make you climb to a rooftop jus to scream.

You have to remind yourself you're just uncomfortable.

That fear is not in control.

You gain the most from the moments you don't want to be in.

You become comfortable being uncomfortable you'll start believin.

You see that's the only way you can grow.

Do the things that make your mind scream no.

Make yourself uncomfortable to become stronger.

That will give you the motivation to push on a little longer.

Conclusion

    Thank you for taking the time out of your day for reading my Blog! This blog included one of the most important things I learned in therapy, Nike that Sh**.  That simple phrase helped push me out of the depression that I was in. I appreciate each and everyone of you I look forward to writing my next blog on Wednesday 21 September. Until next time! ✌

Don't Let The Demons Win!!

    FEELINGS V.S. Your MIND

    No Matter who we are in life we all have this constant battle between our mind and our feelings. Your feelings will constantly feel sorry for you, try to take that extra break in the day, or tell you to go back to sleep when it's early outside. On the other hand your mind will want to do what is good for your body by going for that run, studying the material you've been procrastinating, or giving your mind the reset that it needs by meditating.

    It's easy to fall back into old habits when things aren't going well and you feel like the world is crashing down around you. The reason we tend to fall back into old habits is due to the fact that we are comfortable with are feelings, a safe space. Those "safe spaces' can be very dangerous and cause you to become stagnate and lack productivity and personal growth. If you feel like that this describes you and your current situation, don't feel bad it happens to everyone, like when you are constantly going to the gym and your body plateaus your mind can do the same thing. in fact I just went through a mental plateau myself, and it took me three months to find the courage to pull myself out of it. I'm going to discuss in this blog how I ended up falling back into those old unhealthy habits.

The Journey

    Before I start to explain how I made it out of the sandtrap of my feelings I have to explain the reason I fell into it to begin with. My steady decline started in February when I received a phone call that my Grandpa was in the hospital. At this time I was still on my deployment and thriving, posting two blogs a week, going to the gym, reading, and meditating everyday of the week. I felt as though I had hit my peak and could take on the world. Once I received that phone call my whole focus changed from doing healthy things to strengthen my mind and body, to isolating myself drinking trying to drown my emotions. That method turned out to be the quckiest way to fall down mountain I tried so hard to climb. A few days after I received that phone call I answered a facetime from my cousin telling me it was time to say goodbye to him. He was attached to a ventilator and struggled to get his last "I love you" out. I told him how much he meant to me and we ended our call. Looking back now I am grateful that I had the opportunity to say goodbye and that I loved him. He was at peace, but I wasn't.

    Fast forward a month later I was just starting to get back on my feet and hitting my groove again. I began coping by utilizing the healthy habits I explained earlier, slowly climbing to that mountain towards its peak. During this time it's important to know that my dad had just traveled back to Iowa from Arizona to be closer to the doctors and his family for his battle with stage four lung cancer. He barely made it in time to say goodbye to his dad, my grandpa, and while he was traveling he had contracted pneumonia. He was then hospitalized just like his dad was before him. When I received this news I began to beg leadership to go home early from my deployment so I can be with my dad, I couldn't bare the thought of losing him without saying goodbye in person. My wish was granted and I left my deployment two weeks early, which doesn't sound like a long time, but it was the busiest time of the tour for my team and I felt guilty leaving early. By the Time I made it home from overseas he was released and I visited him two or three times a month until it got closer to the end of May, the end of his life. I received a phone call explaining my dads condition and my heart sunk to my stomach I was on a race against time to get from South Carolina to Iowa, not a fun drive. My oldest sister lives in North Carolina and agreed to carpool on the way there, it was nice to catch up with her, but the reason for the drive had us feeling uneasy about what we were about to expierence. 

    We were right that this was a trip that would change our perspective on life and the word "family". After we arrived I was with my dad's side of the family for about four days while he was on hospice care at the house. If you don't know what hospice care is it basically means they have a nurse that calls, or comes in to check on him until he passes away. He couldn't talk, would hardly move, and slept most of my time there. It really made me wish that I had spent more time with him while he was able to do all those things and that was just the beginning of the guilt that I would feel on that trip. When dad finally passed away and took his last breath I was the one holding his hand, singing his favorite song, making promises that would only cause me more guilt later down the road when I didn't keep them. We didn't get to have a funeral for my pops due to family drama that I won't get into at the moment, however it caused a lot more negative emotions that I knew I couldn’t control. You know from my first post that I have experienced trauma in my past, but i never healed in a healthy way, this vital to know because I didn't know any other way to process my loss than to drink and drown my sorrows deep down in my heart. 

    For the next seven months I would lie to my friends, family, and leadership that I was fine and that I didn't need anything. Little did I know that by drinking unitl I black out, shutting off my emotions, and distracting myself with video games I was slowly killing myself and losing everyone that I loved in the process, but that's the only way I knew how to deal with my emotions until I made an effort to finally get better.

Get Out of That SANDTRAP

    After I was finally able to admit that I did not have control over my emotions, or drinking I enrolled myself in an eight week threapy and rehibillation program where the only thing that I was to worry about is getting my mind right and learn to process my emotions in a healthy way. The one thing I learned from this experience is that when you fall to deep into that sandtrap of negative emotions it's okay to ask for help. In fact it's more than okay, I encourage that no matter how painful the situation is, if you feel like you can't gain control of your feelings by yourself GO GET HELP, there is absolutely zeero shame in asking someone to help.  The lessons you can gain from therapy are so valuable and will jumpstart your  life in the right direction you have to be willing to practice what is preached. I am currently in week two of therapy I continue to practice things I have learned in the lessons and have seen its benefits. I went from drinking every day to working out, reading, and meditating again. I am slowly starting to see my purpose in life and follow my dreams.

   NEXT BLOG

    I know that this was a lengthy blog with an anticlimatic ending, but I want to save the lessons that helped get me on the right track for future blogs. In fact my next blog I will be sharing a lesson that has kept me motivated to continue to try and better myself. Remember 1% better a day and you'll end up 365% better than you were in a year. I cannot wait to write my next blog which will be on Sunday September 18th. Until next time! ✌

   

Don't Let your Mind Win

 Your Mind Plays Tricks on You

    The battle between you and your mind is what determines if you will succeed or fail at your goals. When people say the only thing that is standing in your way is you, I use to think that they were full of, well you know what. I would reply to them and list a number of excuses as to why I couldn't do something, what I didn't know then is that is just your mind playing tricks on you. Whenever you get the urge to do something you might be really excited to start out. For example lets say that you want to go to the gym in the morning, so you start off really eager and go through days in a row. Then you start to get lazy, you'd rather be in bed than at the gym, so your mind starts to list excuses on why you shouldn't go to the gym. If you listen to these tricks that the mind is playing on you then you'll stay in your bed and not accomplishing your goal, but you won't feel bad about it because you "needed to sleep in." Your mind justifying your actions is what is holding you back, not because you are incapable of going to the gym in the morning, but because you fell for those evil tricks that your mind is so good at playing.

#1 Defense Against Your Mind

    Falling for the tricks the mind plays is extremely common among a lot of different people, but the best defense you can have against your mind is simply asking yourself one question. If I loved myself would I stay in bed?, If I loved myself would I skip something that could make me better? The key to overcoming your mind is asking yourself that question and always choosing love over fear like I said in the vow I shared in one of my earlier blogs. If you truly loved yourself, if you truly wanted to accomplish this goal would it be worth the risk you take by sleeping in and letting your mind win? You have control over your mind, and the more you go to the gym the less you want to sleep in, because your mind starts to compare how the gym makes your body feel compared to sleeping in. This questions can be asked in every scenario, it's not just meant for the gym. For examples say that you need to start writing more, but your mind starts to convince you that you should watch TV more. This is when you need to close your eyes and ask yourself If I loved myself would I willingly choose entertainment over creativity? There will be days where the mind wins, like I said I chose TV over writing my blog yesterday. I enjoyed it for the night, but woke up feeling guilty because helping my audience live better lives means more to me than getting a few laughs from a television series. 

Your Mind Can Win Once, But NEVER twice

    It is perfectly fine if you fall victim to the games that your mind plays on you, but you should never give in two times in a row. When you are trying to develop a good routine and break a bad one your mind will want to stick to what it is use to so naturally you will give in. This is a normal part of the process, something I didn't understand when I first started making changes. It is okay to let the mind win every once in awhile, but you start to play a dangerous game if you let your mind win more than once. Your body will start to think that you are back on the routine that you are trying to change and your mind will fight even harder to stay in that comfortable place familiarity. In order to break this shell you have to remain consistent for 66 days. You will go through phases along the way and at each phase you will fail at least once. This is your mind testing you, trying to get you to quit. Don't let it! Wake up the next day with a chip on your shoulder and look yourself in the mirror and say "You won yesterday, but you will never beat me twice in a row." Not only will you gain confidence to keep working towards your goal, but you will gain a respect of yourself for keeping your word. Remember it is okay to fail once, in fact it's natural, but don't let it happen more than that. 

Next Blog, Wednesday 02 March

    I appreciate every single one of you for following me on this journey. Once I get back from this deployment and settled I promise the content will grow even more. If you have anything you want me to share on my next blog please reach out. I hope that you were able to mind something interesting in my blog to apply in your life. I would love to hear back from you, so please feel free to email me at lawton4.cl@gmail.com. It was a pleasure talking to you today until next time 😁

Communicate Don't Insinuate

 Importance of Communication

    Hey there everybody! Welcome back to another one of my blogs, I hope my previous blogs have had some impact on your life. This blog is going to be dedicated to communicating your situation so other are not insinuating the worse. Communication is the difference between clear and concise orders in a job, or the difference in a night filled of arguments in a relationship. The way you communicate plays a major role in how the person you are talking perceives the conversation. If you are clear and concise with how you explain yourself the other person you are communicating with will have a better understanding of the message that you are trying to get across. However on the contrary, if you are not clear with how the message the other person may become confused and lead to them insinuating the worst from your conversation.

Never Insinuate, Ask for Clarification

     Insinuation is one of the worse habits that you can have as an individual who is trying to communicate with someone. Insinuating leads your brain to come up with the worse possible outcomes and have you spiraling out of control until you get a handle on it. For example, if you tell your spouse you went out with friends and you're going to be out late tonight your spouse may assume that you are out with friends that she doesn't know, or doesn't trust. This failure to clearly communicate can lead your spouse to assuming that you are cheating on them. From there it will only go downhill, nothing good  is going to come out of this scenario, you are going to become annoyed that she assumes that, and she is going to start to feel anxious and compare herself to every girl you talk to. There is no winning, besides it's not a competition in a relationship you want the other person to be able to trust and feel comfortable with you just as much as you want to trust and feel comfortable with them. Those feelings could be prevented if you would have clearly communicated who you were going out with and what you were doing, on the other hand it could have been prevented if they would have asked for clarification without assumption. the only that insinuation leads to is devastation on both ends.

Communication

    The easiest way to communicate is to remain honest and don't leave holes in your conversation to where the person you are talking to can fill those holes with assumptions. You want to be as clear as you can while leaving the discussion as simple as you possibly can to avoid confusion. If someone doesn't understand what you are saying then they can easily begin to insinuate the worse case scenario. For example if your boss ask you if you completed the project that was due yesterday, but your response is not fully. Your boss will start to assume that you haven't started the project, but in reality you are just waiting on a few references to get back to you to have the project fully completed. Instead of leaving your answer to vague statement you could say, the project is not finished I have completed all the steps, but am waiting on a response from (insert name here) once I receive the response the project will be completed. This answer will be more fulfilling to your boss than if you just said the project wasn't complete, it will show them that you are diligently working on completing the project. The way you converse shows a lot about you as a person, you never want to be the person that nobody wants to have a discussion, or conversation with because you don't communicate clearly. Communication can be the difference between getting fired and finally receiving that promotion that you have desired.

Next Blog Sunday 27 FEB

    I appreciate everyone that took the time to read another one of my blogs, communication plays a huge factor in loving yourself. If everyone sees as someone that is well spoken then they are going to go out of their way to communicate with you. This in return will boost your confidence and ultimately help you see yourself as the best version of who you can be. I will be writing another poem to share with you on next Sunday Fun day's blog.  I hope you enjoyed this weeks blog and as always your feedback is encouraged. Until next time 😁

Ownership=Leadership

 Introduction

    Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog dedicated to helping you find ways to grow the love that you have for yourself. Today we will be discussing the importance of owning your mistakes and taking responsibility of your actions. I will also go over why it is crucial to take responsibility if you want to fully love yourself. 

Admit When You Are in the Wrong!

    The first step in taking ownership of your actions is analyzing where you are in the wrong. You can make a mistake and not be aware of what you did wrong. This can lead to arguments at home or the work place, but in order for you to practice owning your mistakes you have to be willing to view the situation from an outside prospective. I have a recent example of this from work this week, I had started a new job as I said in my previous blog, but this new job works closely with my old job. We had a scenario where I needed something from my old job and when they didn't deliver what was needed I found myself getting upset putting blame on them instead of taking ownership of the role I played for this failure to take place. I decided that I would review the situation and try to find what I could control to prevent this from happening again. While doing my review I realized that my previous work section didn't know how to do this because I failed to teach them before I left, so the whole situation started with my inability to share my knowledge of the certain procedures needed to get the mission accomplished. After coming to this realization I proceeded to make a plan of action to ensure that this stoppage of the mission doesn't happen again which is the next step in taking ownership of my mistakes.

    Develop a Plan!

    The next step is to develop a plan to fix your mistake, this could go for work or your personal life. For example of the personal life if I had forgotten to take the trash out and it upset my spouse I would change my routine to accommodate my responsibility of taking out the trash. Developing a plan isn't only for big mistakes but small ones as well, at the end of the day as long as I continue to make progress in improving I am building that love for myself. By committing to developing a plan it makes others view you in a different light as well. Now people seeing that you are willing to make changes not just to help yourself, but to improve, even the little things, in others life as well. Let's continue with my work example, the plan that I developed to ensure the mistake doesn't happen again was to conduct a thorough training over all the knowledge I had in the section and to answer any questions that the individuals replacing me may have. This helped build trust between our two sections and makes work flow a lot smoother than if I would have just put blame on someone else. The final step in taking ownership is very simple you need to own your mistakes.

Own Your Mistakes

    As simple as it may sounds the last step is to own your mistakes, but take these words for granted this last step maybe the hardest for most people to understand. When you are approached by your friends, leadership, or your spouse about a mistake that was made you need to do a combination of the first two steps. First you admit your mistake to them, it will be hard to accept responsibility for something that you don't feel that you are at fault for, but by taking a minute to review your situation from an outside prospective and figuring out things that you could have done better this step will be a lot easier for you. After you admitted your faults in the mistake you need to present the plan that you developed to them, this will show them that you are taking this situation seriously and are ready to fix the problem to ensure it does not happen again. When you do this you will have taken full ownership of your mistake and have shown them that you are not only looking out for yourself, but are willing to accept the consequences of the actions of others as well. This is a quality that you will find within many great leaders, the ability to take responsibility, not only for your actions, but the actions of others as well. If you practice these steps and are able to take full ownership the love and respect that you have for yourself will continue to rise and lead you a very successful future in whatever you maybe pursuing.

Next Blog Wednesday 23 FEB

    Thank you for reading my blog! I know this journey is going to be a long one, but I want to say I appreciate everyone for taking the time to read my posts. Please feel free to reach out via social media (facebook: Chris Lawton Instagram: Chris.Lawton4) or email (lawton4.cl@gmail.com) with any questions, comments, or concerns you may have. I look forward sharing another Post to you on Wednesday! Until next time 😁

 

Sunday Funday! (sorry for the absence!)

 I'm Back!

    I want to apologize for missing Wednesdays post, I was unexpectedly moved to a new section in work to replace someone who needed to leave early for a family emergency. The person that I am replacing is a great mentor, and friend to me, so I am wishing him and his family nothing but the best. This new job has a lot of moving parts in it, so there's a lot of things that I have had to learn to become proficient in such a short amount of time. Again I apologize though because you all deserve to me to release content on time, I promise to do better this week.

    Today's Sunday Fun day is going to be a going over a few quotes that stuck out to me this past week. All credit goes out to my mom, as she's been sending me quotes to use. I love you mom! I know you'll be reading this later, thank you for the support it means a lot to me!

Quotes

These first two quotes go together very well and actually covers one of the topics we've covered in previous posts. Remember the only way you can improve is by focusing on the present moment and letting go of the past. 

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

    If you keep focusing your attention on changing who you were in the past you will continue to miss opportunities to build a better future. When you focus your attention on controlling what you can control you will pave a road to a more successful future.

"The life in front of you is way more important than the life behind you"

    As I said these quotes go together very well, because when you focus on the life behind you it will only hold you back in that same position. The only thing I will add to this quote is try not to worry about the life front of you more than just setting goals. You need to have your full attention on the life that's right in front of you. Cherishing moments with friends and family while also focusing on how you can make yourself better to achieve those future goals that you have set.

    

    This last quote is all about finding something positive in your day. Some days will be harder than others, but your ability to pick out the good is training your mind to see the best in people and yourself. I struggle with this sometimes and focus too much on the negative things I did or didn't do instead of finding that one thing that I was thankful for today.

"Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder"

Next Blog Monday 21 Feb

    Thank you again for taking the time to read my blog and again I apologize for missing Wednesdays blog. I am back though and more than excited to share my thoughts and feelings with you all. As always your opinions matter! If you have suggestions you want to share, or if you have some feedback you want to give me I am all ears. You can email me at lawton4.cl@gmail.com, or message me on facebook/instagram. My facebook name in Chris Lawton, and my Instagram name is Chris.lawton4. I look forward to talking to you all again on my next blog. Until next time 😁