My Journey To Sobriety!

 My First Time Being Drunk

    

    In my first ever blog post I wrote about the grain bin accident I was involved in. The trauma I experienced at a young age was the same reason I started drinking at a young age. The first time I ever got drunk happened just a few months after the accident when I was only 14 years old. When I snuck out of my house that night I didn't realise that I was about to go drown the pain that I was hiding inside and by doing this it would result in an on and off again battle with alcohol for the next 12 years. Every chance I had, which weren't many at 14, I would drink as much as I could until I blacked out. I would do this every time I drank, because it was the only time I wouldn't have those negative thoughts creep in the back of my head, why did I survive, you don't deserve to be alive, I wish that killing myself would bring back those who died. If we all knew the consequences of our actions would we still make decisions that cause nothing but negative emotions? I wish I would have thought of my consequences prior to ever picking up my first drink it would have saved me from a lot of heartache.

I Cheated Death, but Still Chose Death.

    Let's fast forward past high school where all I did was quit every team I was on and ruin my chances for a scholarship to any possible college that was available. I want to start this part of the post where alcohol almost took my life and career away from me. After a year of bouncing between jobs after high school I chose to join the United States Air Force, still the greatest decision I have ever made for my future. I was only in the Air Force for 6 months when I encountered my first ever serious consequence from alcohol and my second encounter with death. My first duty station was Ramstein Germany, which at the time was perfect for me because you only had to be 18 to drink at the bars. I would go out every weekend to dorm parties and continue my routine of drinking until I blacked out. At this time those negative thoughts were buried so deep that I didn't think about them, but subconsciously they were very much alive. Most nights I went out and it ended with me crying and my friends having to chase me around the base so I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself until the night that I hurt myself. Now I don't remember much about this night the only thing that I can tell you for sure is I went to a night club with a bunch of people I didn't really know and had a BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) of .3 something, a BAC of .4 can put someone in a coma, or kill them. The only thing I remember is waking up in a military hospital 3 days later not knowing how I got there. That means I went to a german hospital and was transported to a military hospital 2 days later before I woke up. It turns out that I had fallen off a parking garage and landed face first on the pavement, suffering a fractured skull, and a shattered cheek bone. They had to do surgery to put a plate in my face so my bones could heal properly. Even through all this and being directed by my commander to go through an alcohol abuse program I still chose to drink after. My decision to continue drinking would keep leading me down dark paths keeping those demons in control of my life.

Second Time Through

    In 2017 I PCS'd from Germany and found my way to South Carolina. This is when I moved in with my now fiance and her son, they didn't know what they were signing up for, but I am very grateful that she had the patience to stay with me. Babe I love you thank you for everything. The person I was then is not who I wanted to be, I hated that version of myself. I would drink, again until I blacked out, then would cuss her out while her son was sleeping. We would fight almost every night that I drank, I know I would have left me too, but very grateful that she stuck around. After a few years of ups and downs in our relationship I thought I finally had my drinking under control. Turns out I had no power when it came to alcohol. A couple years later we would have our son, but I was still depressed and since I'm an expert at burying my emotions I wouldn't talk about my problems. Whenever I would get home I turned to the only thing that I thought was consistent in my life, yupp that's right alcohol. This would go on for months until I was tasked to deploy, when I deployed I made a promise to my fiance that I wouldn't drink again. I went 6 months without a drink on the deployment and another 3 months sober when I got back, until I was reunited with alcohol. That's right I broke 9 months of sobriety because I thought that I could "control it this time." This comes as a surprise to no one, but I was wrong again.

Final Round, Now I Fight!

    I went the next few years doing a good job controlling my drinking, I was drinking everyday, but at least I wasn't blacking out. This was until I lost my dad. Losing my dad hit me harder than I was prepared for, I went months trying to bury it until I went out with my coworkers and told all of them the plan I had to shoot myself. I never thought of shooting myself before, but subconsciously I think that was always the plan. Thankfully my coworkers made a plan to have someone drive me home and take my gun out of the house. As embarrassing as it was to have to be treated like a child, I am eternally grateful for my friends that were and are currently there for me when I need them. This is where we are today I just completed an in depth substance abuse program and am currently 42 days sober, until tomorrow where I'll be 43 days sober.

What's Different This time?

    The biggest difference this time around is I went to therapy to deal with my underlying issues that were causing me to drink. The demons that were causing all those negative emotions have finally been sent back to hell where they belong instead of living inside my mind. I no longer feel any cravings or experience any triggers to drink because I have learned to master my mindset. Most of my blogs stress the importance of becoming a master of your mind and my story is a prime example of how powerful the mind is. I owe all my progress to the Air Force, my friends, family, and therapists they hold me accountable and keep me motivated to be better today than I was yesterday. I also want to thank my therapists for helping me find my purpose in life. The purpose that I want to live out everyday is helping others I do this by writing my blogs, and creating videos on youtube. I feel so much warmth and love knowing that my word can help someone escape their demons.

Next Blog, Wednesday, October 5th

    Thank you to everyone that took the time to read my blog today, I appreciate each and everyone of you. Have you ever struggled with substance abuse? How did you beat it, or what are you doing to beat it? Leave me a comment if you found some type of inspiration in this blog. I always enjoy writing and sharing my thoughts with all of you. I love you all. Until Next time ✌❤