LEARN TO ACCEPT ALL SITUATIONS, NO MATTER WHAT!

 Acceptance is Key!

    Good Evening my beautiful people! The majority of us focus our attention on things that we have no control of. For example people will spend the time worrying about if it is going to snow tomorrow, or not. This is an example of a hypothetical worry, unless you can make a phone call to mother nature and tell her not to snow, we cannot make an impact on the outcome of what the weather brings. The only thing that we can control is accepting that the weather will do what it wants, especially if you live in the midwest, and how we react to it is also our choice. This goes for all situations in life, things will happen even if you don't want them to. The only thing you can do is accept the situation, even if you don't like the outcome, and determine what your reaction is going to be. Accepting situations no matter how you feel about the end result can be defined as radical acceptance. Once you master the skill of radical acceptance it will be a lot harder for outside situations to determine your emotions. Take a minute and think about a time that you should have, or have practiced radical acceptance and feel free to share it with me if you want to by commenting below, or sending me a message on one of my other accounts.

How Should You React?

    For most of us our reaction to things depends on how they make us feel and not based on logic or reason. These type of reactions can be very dangerous and unpredictable. In most cases when we react to emotions alone we have little to no control of our behavior. We don't give our brain time to process the situation and question what consequences our actions can bring. My suggestion is that no matter what happens in life we should always give ourselves at least 5 seconds to give a response. During these 5 seconds remember that no matter what you choose to do it will not change the outcome of what has happened. Also remind yourself that your uncontrolled behavior could lead to more negative feelings and situations down the road. For example if a driver cuts you off, you could choose to instigate a fight with that person, or you can radically accept the situation and understand no matter how you react you cannot change what has already happened. If you choose the first option it could lead to legal issues especially if you and the driver get into a physical altercation at the next red light. Whatever decision we make based on the situation determines our feelings and consequences in the future, but what it does not do, nor will it ever do is change the past. Take those five seconds and give a thought out and logically response no matter how the situation makes you feel.

Acceptance = Mental Freedom

    The most important thing I want you to take from today's blog is that when you practice radical acceptance you gain your power back from your feelings and gain more control of your mind. If we all can learn to accept the things that we cannot change we gain power over the decisions we make throughout our life. This is one of the most important tools that we have to battle our negative mindset, when all we see is negative then it results in negative emotions like depression, anxiety, shame, and so many more. Once you gain the power of your mind you begin to have what I like to call mental freedom. We will no longer let the little things bother us and will have full control over how we react. I challenge you to think of a situation where you reacted based on emotions, and ask yourself things would have been different if you took the time to analyze your decision before committing to your reaction.

Next Blog Sunday October 2nd!

    Thank you to everyone that read my blog and if you enjoyed today's content please leave a comment on what you enjoyed the most! Don't let someone's opinion, or a situation outside of your control dictate your mood. It's time that we all started to take our power back from our emotions and gain control of our mind. I loved writing today's blog because it is something that I used to struggle with on a consistent basis. As always feedback is appreciated, and I love you all! Until Next time ✌❤

Irrational Thoughts Have No Purpose!

 What is an Irrational Thought?

    Irrational thoughts can dictate our feelings if we let them. When we hear someone else speaking irrationally it is easy to identify their irrational thoughts, but why can't we identify and put a stop to our own irrational thoughts? Before we dive into how we can stop those thoughts from affecting our mood, or behavior we have to understand the definition of what an irrational thought is. Irrational thoughts can be identified as "something that is not based on reason, or logic" which basically means that these thoughts have absolutely no truth to them. Some of you might be saying "I wouldn't worry about thoughts if they didn't have any truth to them." I use to be one of those individuals that believed I couldn't possibly worry about something that didn't exist until I did some self reflecting on things that I would let affect my mood. For example I would let my thoughts of the future increase my anxiety which in return would dictate what I would do the rest of the day. I let thoughts of something that hasn't happened yet take my power and motivation away for that day, week, or month. After my self reflection I was able to see how often I let things that didn't exist control my life. If you are struggling with the same problem that I was then you need to read the next paragraph to get some of the tips and tricks that I used to overcome my mind.

Challenge Your Irrational Thoughts!

    We need to be willing to challenge our negative thoughts that dictate our lives. We can do this by following the steps below.

•         Identify the Situation: 
• The key to this step is by sticking with facts, you have to identify what has generated your strong negative emotions. Ask questions like where, when, who, and what?  
•        Identify the Moods:
• List all moods that were felt from the situation. Include positive and negative emotions.
•        Identify Automatic Thoughts: 
• When remembering the situation identify any thoughts that you have. list the one that is connected to the emotions felt.
•        Gather Evidence:
• list all evidence that goes for and against your negative emotion.
•        Find a balanced Thought:
• After you finish the above steps find a realistic outcome and decide whether or not there is anything you can do for this negative emotion.

       If you come the decision that nothing can be done to solve this action do something positive to distract your mind, read a book, play video games, watch a youtube video, whatever you it is that brings you a sense of enjoyment and move on with your day. If there is something you can do to change your mood NIKE THAT SH** get it done and you will feel immediate gratification!

Sunday Poem 😁

I will take action on the things I learned in therapy.

I will survive when I say a prayer for me.

I will exercise my writing to change the perception.

I will prove that laughter and crying will be the best medicine.

I will rejuvenate the forgiveness for myself to get out of my hole.

I will recycle my pain and achieve my goals.

I will begin a new journey.

I will survive and be true to me.

I will not dwell on my mistakes.

I will learn and turn my cows into steaks.

I will continue to grow.

I will not let myself hit that low, again.

I will remember the feeling of having to pretend, that everything is okay.

I will not worry about what others have to say.

I will keep spreading this positive message.

I will ensure others have the tools to make it through their wreckage.

I will ensure I have fulfilled my purpose.

I will lead people out of life's circus.

Next Blog Wednesday September 28th.

    Thank you everyone who has continued to show me love and support on this journey. I would love to take a moment to let you all know about the youtube channel I have just launched, Lifestyle Library. I will be posting to my channel every Saturday about tips and tricks, or things that I have learned to help me through life's journey. I love writing my blogs and continuing to make improvements on my content, I hope you were able to take some of the tips I shared in today's blog. I know that this topic has come up more than once, but it's a vital part of taking control of your life! I look forward to my next blog on Wednesday, until next time ✌😁

You Are Not Alone, Defeat the Disease!

Depression

    Depression is real and it can be very dangerous if you do not treat it in the early stages. Depression can make you feel like you are trapped in a hole that you can't get out of, but I'm making this post to let you know that you can. You have the power within you to change your reality by simply challenging your thoughts and feelings. My therapist makes it a point to let us know that "there are no facts to feelings, just because you feel a certain way it does not mean that is your truth." Once you are able to understand that there are no facts to feelings you can start to challenge your mind on why you are feeling this way? One of the most important strengths that I have developed since being in therapy is being able to identify why I feel the way that I do in that specific moment. Whether I am happy, sad, mad, or anxious, I am able to recognize the emotion and challenge my mind by asking what made me feel this way. 

    Once you have identified what you are feeling it is important to ask yourself why? Why did this situation make me feel this way? This question may take a while to answer, and that's okay this isn't an overnight process you are going to have to do some digging to get the results you want. I suggest using some mindfulness techniques to help you have a clear mind in order to get the answers you are looking for. I'll share some mindfulness techniques after we are done talking about challenging your thoughts. The next step after you have found the answer to why, is you have to challenge the thought for example, if you are feeling anxious about something you have to ask is there anything I can do about this problem right now? If there is then Nike that SH** and just do it. Yes I know to most that is a lot easier said than done, but you have to try it because I promise you it works. If there isn't anything you can do about it that's defined as a hypothetical worry, stop letting hypothetical situations dictate your reality, you have to just let that worry go. Distracting yourself is one way you can stop thinking about the what if scenario by distracting yourself it causes your brain to focus on something else and a fun fact about the brain is that it can only focus on one thought at a time.

Mindfulness Tricks

    Mindfulness is defined as "purposely bringing one's attention to the present moment" and by using mindfulness we can escape the thoughts of selfhatred, or those pesky what if thoughts and enjoy the moment that we are living now. One trick that was taught to me by my therapist is the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method. This method involes finding 5 things that we can see, 4 things that we can hear, 3 things that we can feel, 2 things that we can smell, and 1 thing that we can taste. When we have our mind practice this mindfulness method we are utilizing all five of our senses to reconnect with the present moment, which in returns takes our attention away from the negative thoughts that we might have been thinking. A trick that I use to ground myself in the present moment is meditation and deep breathing. I play a soft mellody on my phone close my eyes, preferably in the sun so I can feel the warmth on my skin, and breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and breathe out for six seconds. I repeat those steps for at least 3 minutes thinking positive thoughts on my breaths in, and negative thoughts on the way out. If you don't think any of those tricks could benefit you I encourage you to research and find a way that will. There are endless ways to become grounded in the present moment. In fact if you do end up practicing a different type of mindfulness I want to hear about, so that I can try it out as well! 

You are not Alone

    I wanted to leave this paragraph last today, so that I am able to remind you that you are not alone. While you might be the only one that can feel the depression you have people in your life that are affected by it as well.  We all have people that love and care for us and if you ever have the thought that you would be better off dead then I challenge you to think of the ones that you love. I challenge you to think of the pain that you will leave them with once you are gone. By making that final decision it doesn't get rid of the pain, it only transfers the pain for someone else to carry. If for some reason you feel that you aren't loved I want you to know that I love you and you don't have to fight alone. You can reach out to me at any time I will answer your emails, or your comments. Life is difficult especially if you feel that you are fighting this alone, this paragraph was a reminder that you aren't alone, and that if you feel that you are alone email me and we will fight together. lawton4.cl@gmail.com

Closing/Next Blog!

    Thank you all for reading another one of my blogs. I wanted to touch base on depression because of my therapy session today. It reminded me that some of us feel as if we cannot be saved when in reality we have the ability to save ourselves by taking control of our thoughts. I really hope that you were able to pick up some useful information from this blog and I look forward to writing to you all again Sunday September 25th. Until Next time ✌❤

NIKE THAT SH**

Shout Out!

    Happy Sunday everyone! I wanted to give a huge shoutout to my therapist for keeping me on the right track and continuing to push me out of my  comfort zone. I also want to shout out my mom, grandma, grandpa, and fiancee for always being the people to tell me how it is and supporting me no matter what I decide to do with my life. Last but not least I want to give a shout out to my main man Matt, your words are the reason I choose to write my blogs. If I know that my words mean something to one person then I know that my work matters and I'm making a difference. I hope you enjoy this Sunday post, and just like every Sunday I'll cap off todays post with a poem! I hope you enjoy the post and as always feedback is encouraged!

Don't Should on yourself

    One of my biggest problems was no matter what the task was I would always start off my sentences by saying "I should take out the trash, I should go to the gym, I should clean my room, etc" all those statements did for me was make the things I had to accomplish reccomendations to accomplish. Which meant I would leave out things I had to do. After discussing my lack of motivation to complete simple tasks with my therapist she told me I had to stop "shoulding" on myself and that if I didn't nothing was going to get done and my motivation wouldn't get better. You see my shoulding yourself you leave your mind with the decision on what it wants to do, if you do that your mind is going to choose what is comfortable every time. Our mind is designed to keep us away from uncomfortable situations, so by leaving the decision up to your mind you are sealing your fate 90% of the time. You might be asking   

How do you stop shoulding on myself? The answer is a lot more simple than you think.

NIKE THAT SH**

    Nike's slogan is "Just do it" so I like to say Nike that Sh**, and it means just like it sounds you have to just do it. I start by making a list every Sunday of things I want to accomplish that week and then I fit one or two of the things I listed into my everyday schedule. The key to gaining back my motivation was to become more structured, I list out how I want my morning to go the night before and make adjustments to my schedule as needed, but by writing out the things I want to accomplish I become more motivated to get those things done. The answer to my problem was simply stop saying I should do this and just Nike that SH**.

Keep it Simple

    One of the greatest things about therapy is everything is kept simple and makes the most sense. By just doing things I have become more organized and structured, but most importantly I don't beat myself up if I don't get everything done that I need to I just work it into my schedule the next day. My biggest problem was that I was to hard on myself, I would give myself 12 tasks to do a day and then become so overwhelmed with what I had to accomplish and not get anything done. By practicing the schedule method I set time aside for work and play. Keeping everything simple helps productivity, once you cross one thing off your list you're going to be motivated to cross off another.

FEAR IS NEUTRAL

Fear isn't something you should be scared of.

It pushes you to the path you can gain from.

Fear can control your mind if you let it,

or you can take control and benefit from it.

The crazy thing about fear is that your mind cannot come near it's comprehension.

You'll stay stagnant like you put yourself in detention.

You can't control fear only your mind.

You have to weigh the outcome,

of what fear is holding you back from.

Fear can cause you to be paralyzed,

causing you to never rise to your true potential,

Kind of like you took a benadryl.

It'll make you sleep on your dream.

It'll make you climb to a rooftop jus to scream.

You have to remind yourself you're just uncomfortable.

That fear is not in control.

You gain the most from the moments you don't want to be in.

You become comfortable being uncomfortable you'll start believin.

You see that's the only way you can grow.

Do the things that make your mind scream no.

Make yourself uncomfortable to become stronger.

That will give you the motivation to push on a little longer.

Conclusion

    Thank you for taking the time out of your day for reading my Blog! This blog included one of the most important things I learned in therapy, Nike that Sh**.  That simple phrase helped push me out of the depression that I was in. I appreciate each and everyone of you I look forward to writing my next blog on Wednesday 21 September. Until next time! ✌

Don't Let The Demons Win!!

    FEELINGS V.S. Your MIND

    No Matter who we are in life we all have this constant battle between our mind and our feelings. Your feelings will constantly feel sorry for you, try to take that extra break in the day, or tell you to go back to sleep when it's early outside. On the other hand your mind will want to do what is good for your body by going for that run, studying the material you've been procrastinating, or giving your mind the reset that it needs by meditating.

    It's easy to fall back into old habits when things aren't going well and you feel like the world is crashing down around you. The reason we tend to fall back into old habits is due to the fact that we are comfortable with are feelings, a safe space. Those "safe spaces' can be very dangerous and cause you to become stagnate and lack productivity and personal growth. If you feel like that this describes you and your current situation, don't feel bad it happens to everyone, like when you are constantly going to the gym and your body plateaus your mind can do the same thing. in fact I just went through a mental plateau myself, and it took me three months to find the courage to pull myself out of it. I'm going to discuss in this blog how I ended up falling back into those old unhealthy habits.

The Journey

    Before I start to explain how I made it out of the sandtrap of my feelings I have to explain the reason I fell into it to begin with. My steady decline started in February when I received a phone call that my Grandpa was in the hospital. At this time I was still on my deployment and thriving, posting two blogs a week, going to the gym, reading, and meditating everyday of the week. I felt as though I had hit my peak and could take on the world. Once I received that phone call my whole focus changed from doing healthy things to strengthen my mind and body, to isolating myself drinking trying to drown my emotions. That method turned out to be the quckiest way to fall down mountain I tried so hard to climb. A few days after I received that phone call I answered a facetime from my cousin telling me it was time to say goodbye to him. He was attached to a ventilator and struggled to get his last "I love you" out. I told him how much he meant to me and we ended our call. Looking back now I am grateful that I had the opportunity to say goodbye and that I loved him. He was at peace, but I wasn't.

    Fast forward a month later I was just starting to get back on my feet and hitting my groove again. I began coping by utilizing the healthy habits I explained earlier, slowly climbing to that mountain towards its peak. During this time it's important to know that my dad had just traveled back to Iowa from Arizona to be closer to the doctors and his family for his battle with stage four lung cancer. He barely made it in time to say goodbye to his dad, my grandpa, and while he was traveling he had contracted pneumonia. He was then hospitalized just like his dad was before him. When I received this news I began to beg leadership to go home early from my deployment so I can be with my dad, I couldn't bare the thought of losing him without saying goodbye in person. My wish was granted and I left my deployment two weeks early, which doesn't sound like a long time, but it was the busiest time of the tour for my team and I felt guilty leaving early. By the Time I made it home from overseas he was released and I visited him two or three times a month until it got closer to the end of May, the end of his life. I received a phone call explaining my dads condition and my heart sunk to my stomach I was on a race against time to get from South Carolina to Iowa, not a fun drive. My oldest sister lives in North Carolina and agreed to carpool on the way there, it was nice to catch up with her, but the reason for the drive had us feeling uneasy about what we were about to expierence. 

    We were right that this was a trip that would change our perspective on life and the word "family". After we arrived I was with my dad's side of the family for about four days while he was on hospice care at the house. If you don't know what hospice care is it basically means they have a nurse that calls, or comes in to check on him until he passes away. He couldn't talk, would hardly move, and slept most of my time there. It really made me wish that I had spent more time with him while he was able to do all those things and that was just the beginning of the guilt that I would feel on that trip. When dad finally passed away and took his last breath I was the one holding his hand, singing his favorite song, making promises that would only cause me more guilt later down the road when I didn't keep them. We didn't get to have a funeral for my pops due to family drama that I won't get into at the moment, however it caused a lot more negative emotions that I knew I couldn’t control. You know from my first post that I have experienced trauma in my past, but i never healed in a healthy way, this vital to know because I didn't know any other way to process my loss than to drink and drown my sorrows deep down in my heart. 

    For the next seven months I would lie to my friends, family, and leadership that I was fine and that I didn't need anything. Little did I know that by drinking unitl I black out, shutting off my emotions, and distracting myself with video games I was slowly killing myself and losing everyone that I loved in the process, but that's the only way I knew how to deal with my emotions until I made an effort to finally get better.

Get Out of That SANDTRAP

    After I was finally able to admit that I did not have control over my emotions, or drinking I enrolled myself in an eight week threapy and rehibillation program where the only thing that I was to worry about is getting my mind right and learn to process my emotions in a healthy way. The one thing I learned from this experience is that when you fall to deep into that sandtrap of negative emotions it's okay to ask for help. In fact it's more than okay, I encourage that no matter how painful the situation is, if you feel like you can't gain control of your feelings by yourself GO GET HELP, there is absolutely zeero shame in asking someone to help.  The lessons you can gain from therapy are so valuable and will jumpstart your  life in the right direction you have to be willing to practice what is preached. I am currently in week two of therapy I continue to practice things I have learned in the lessons and have seen its benefits. I went from drinking every day to working out, reading, and meditating again. I am slowly starting to see my purpose in life and follow my dreams.

   NEXT BLOG

    I know that this was a lengthy blog with an anticlimatic ending, but I want to save the lessons that helped get me on the right track for future blogs. In fact my next blog I will be sharing a lesson that has kept me motivated to continue to try and better myself. Remember 1% better a day and you'll end up 365% better than you were in a year. I cannot wait to write my next blog which will be on Sunday September 18th. Until next time! ✌